Novella: “A Trick of the Light” (Part Two)

4.

The First Visit 

At a few different points in the second half of October Rosie asked her family when she could expect the winter weather to start, and she got a different answer each time she asked it. First Uncle Franklin told her that it usually started snowing around Thanksgiving, then Grandpa told her that she could expect it after Halloween. Finally Grandma and Aunt Margaret explained to her that most years what would happen was that there would be some flurries or perhaps one or two snowy nights beginning at the end of October or early in November, and then in the waning days of November the snow started in earnest and stayed on the ground in some form or fashion till spring. That being the case as it may be, it seemed that the weather reports had been saying that this year in particular New England could expect a major snowstorm in the days heading up to Halloween. Two sets of guests cancelled their reservations because of this, and the Baring household set about planning for this big Halloween storm.

            Mags took over shopping from Uncle Franklin and brought home canned food, lots of tea and coffee, and several boxes of taper candles from various department stores and buyers’ clubs around Greenfield. Grandpa Baring spent an afternoon out with a pair of young gay women whom he was friends with for some reason, and came back with a new winter coat and a manual that was supposed to exposit certain things about the kind of hot water system that the house had. Grandma and Uncle Franklin brought in chairs and tables from outside. As for Rosie, she put up storm windows, made sure the family’s three cars were properly serviced and up-to-date on all their checks, and spent a few hours each day with her laptop open checking every now and then for new reports on the nor’easter as it developed. So passed the last couple of days before the storm was supposed to hit Western Massachusetts.

            Rosie and Mags were actually on the UMass campus when the storm itself hit, driving through it on their way back from an Asian market in another part of Amherst. There they had picked up a can of some sort of Vietnamese coffee that Uncle Franklin insisted on having in the house; evidently it had been in Chicago that he had first discovered it once upon a time. They pulled up a side road at first and parked the car by one of the UMass dorms as the clouds of white descended darkly; then the silver-blue flash of an exploding transformer lit up the sky from somewhere else on campus, and Mags decided to high-tail it home.

            “How long did Uncle Franklin live in Chicago?” Rosie asked, by way of a topic to discuss that would distract her from Mags’s almost preternaturally aggressive driving.

            “At least fifteen years or so if I’m not mistaken,” Mags said. “He first left home because of some sort of conflict or jealousy with my father, actually, to hear Aunt Margaret and your grandmother tell it. Don’t ask me the details of that, though; I’m afraid I couldn’t tell you. He made a life for himself out there and it was not actually the accident that killed my parents that made him feel as if he had to come home; it was some other thing that happened, that had something to do with a woman he was close to out there, if I’m not mistaken. One of those classic tragedies, or classic subgenres of personal tragedy, if you prefer to look at it that way.”

            “I don’t prefer to look at it that way at all,” Rosie said.

            “I suppose I could say that’s just as well,” said Mags. “It helps me to think of this life of ours as part of a ‘story’ of some sort, but I’m willing to accept that that might be a little cold of me. Back when I had a therapist I went to see she said much the same to me. Food for thought, I guess; the question is just whose thoughts, you know?”

            “I think I know what you mean, but Ma—Mags you are about to hit a moose.”

            Sure enough, there was some sort of large animal—maybe not a moose, but something large enough and uncanny enough to fool a suburbanite like Rosie—lumbering across the interstate just in front of them. Mags swerved hard to avoid it and the car drifted far into the shoulder. It took them several hundred feet of roadway to straighten themselves out again.

            “We can’t get home soon enough,” Mags observed. “That transformer blowing back on campus was sure a wakeup call, wouldn’t you say?”

            “I sure as hell would,” Rosie said, thankful that they hadn’t hit that animal, whatever it had been. “By the way, what do you think that animal was?”

            “You seemed pretty confident it was a moose.” Mags cast a quizzical eye on Rosie. She seemed amused by the situation in which they had just found themselves. Rosie had ridden in the car with Mags several times now and knew that it was her custom to drive like a madwoman whenever there wasn’t a cop car to be seen, but she had supposed that the danger of doing so on ice-slicked roads with very poor visibility would mitigate that. Quite the contrary, it seemed to have made it even worse, likely because Mags was getting downright desperate to get home. Rosie was starting to seriously wonder how bad exactly her cousin expected the storm to get. It did seem like, mostly on Mags’s instigation, their household had gone to much more trouble to prepare for this nor’easter than had many people in the area. Rosie wondered if Mags was one of those odd people you ran into now and then who seemed to have some sort of prescience about such things, or, on the other hand, whether she tended towards paranoia about winter weather due to past experience or by some quirk of her nature.

            The got home in one piece. Evening was coming on. Uncle Franklin told Rosie that she could expect to hear odd sounds from the radiators as they gurgled into heavy-duty service for the first time this winter. Grandma and Grandpa were upstairs making sure the storm windows in one of the guest rooms were properly secured. What constituted an improperly secured storm window Rosie could not guess at, but she figured she might learn soon enough. She hoped she had done a good enough job.

            Mags spent most of the evening, before the power failed, making a bracelet for something called Carmilla and brainstorming ideas for the more-familiar (to Rosie) The King in Yellow. Then the power did fail and she decided to go to bed. It was about nine o’ clock and without a way to keep her laptop charged up there was not much more left to do. So she lit a candle, cracked open a book, and turned away from Rosie to settle in for the night.

            Rosie herself must have drifted off at some point soon after, because the next thing she knew it was around midnight, the storm was still raging, and somebody was boiling a kettle of water. Something about the way this house was set up made it difficult to tell what direction sounds in it were coming from, but in this case it must be in the kitchen. Somehow, she could not think how, Rosie felt a compulsion, a needful frenzy, to go out to the kitchen herself and see who it was.

            Mags was sleeping soundly when Rosie crept out of their room, tiptoeing like a disobedient child. It was still dark-white outside. If the stove had been electric rather than gas there would have been no way any of them could use it under these conditions.

            There were two or three intervening rooms or hallways between Rosie and Mags’s room and the kitchen; it depended on whether you went clockwise or counterclockwise around the front hallway’s central staircase that led inevitably and composedly down to the rarely-used front door. Rosie went counterclockwise, the long way round, which passed through the front hallway, the dining room, and a section of the living room in which a spinet piano much like her sister’s stood collecting dust. The sound of the singing kettle was still going on and on and seemed to be coming from every direction at once. Rosie felt a chill, then a sudden pump of warmth as she passed the radiator that stood at the doorway through with the living room and kitchen communicated.

            The kitchen, miraculous to report, was empty. The candles were out and the stove was off. Rosie realized with a sudden laugh that the sound of the kettle, the sound like a kettle rather, was in fact the steam in the pipes and in the radiators, keeping the cold out in this winter’s first furious storm.

            Rosie’s heart was pounding for reasons that she could only guess at as she looked out the kitchen window at the storm. There was a light in it, and what looked like a woman stuck outside, insufficiently dressed for a nighttime blizzard, on the patio or in the overgrown garden beyond it. Rosie, not thinking, ran out into the mudroom, put on her coat and gloves over her pajamas, and went out to see what was wrong.

            The doorway to the patio opened into warm air and the dim not of an autumn midnight but of nine or nine-thirty one evening in late June. The “door into summer” of the Heinlein title must, Rosie thought, have been something like this, this moment when she walked outside into something like the past.

            A woman was indeed standing there, in that summer dusk. She looked much like Mags—glaring eyes, russet hair—but she was clearly someone who was entirely new to Rosie, someone who was uncanny and unfamiliar. Unfamiliar, and probably not family—doubly strange, doubly elsewhere. Fireflies were flitting around her, and she was wreathed in their glow as it were in the fires of purgatory, with a pschent of them circling her high-held head. Her hair was up in a high knot or bun and she was in the corset-and-hoops clothing and accoutrements of a hundred and fifty years before. Rosie suspected without having to know, or knew without having to suspect, that she was a ghostly vision of some ancestor, or a manifestation of some ancestral strain in her and Mags’s shared familial past. The ghost looked solid, and looked like she had a full complement of emotion and intellect and will, but there was no way for Rosie to be sure of any of this unless she spoke to her.

            The dead began to speak. The ghost had the strange accent one sometimes was liable to hear in plays or movies about Lincoln, or Whitman, or other figures of that day and period. She spoke respectfully but with a clear note of feeling that she represented some higher place or calling. It was a note that Rosie, amazingly to her own mind, found herself respecting as well as resenting. It came by way of an introduction.

            “I am Margaret Clooney, ancestress, as you might say, of your relation Margaret McNulty,” the ghost said. “I lived in these parts many years ago after being born during a sea voyage from Ireland, just before or in the earliest days of the famine there. You are Rosary Newgarth, a friend and to some minds perhaps a kinswoman of my descendant, are you not?”

            “I am,” said Rosie. “To my time it’s the night of October 29, 2011, a Saturday. Mags—Margaret, your namesake, anyway—is asleep in bed.”

            “Asleep in bed, Saturday night,” the ghost said. “‘To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub.’”

            “And you?” Rosie asked. “What are your day and time?”

            “Late evening, June 23, 1860,” said Margaret Clooney. “A Saturday also. St. John’s Eve, if that holds any meaning to you. Just a few days after midsummer.”

            “The light out here is that of a summer night, I can tell,” Rosie said. “And the fireflies too, of course. Are you—that is, have I slipped back into the ‘present’ for you, or am I ‘seeing’ your living life with you as a ghost, a phantom, here for me to show me the way the world use to be for you? I’m sorry,” she said with a sudden burst of self-consciousness. “I hope the question isn’t gauche, or unwelcome? And I’m sorry for how badly I worded it.”

            “A little gauche perhaps, but not unwelcome—or, at least, it is clear and easy for me to see why you are asking it,” said Margaret Clooney. “I am, as you might say, a ghost, although my true self, my soul, my heart, is elsewhere than this garden. I will miss it, when I go totally beyond.”

            “And this is 1860 I’ve entered into?”

            “This is, yes. However, observe.” Margaret Clooney glided up onto the patio, which here was an older-fashioned porch or portico, and pointed a spectral finger over Rosie’s shoulder into the kitchen window. Rosie saw that it was not a kitchen after all but a storeroom of some kind, a dimly firelit chamber in which two men were arguing. It would seem that it was money about which they were arguing—some sort of debt, something that one of them experienced as a violence done to him. Rosie could not tell if it was the indebtedness that was being claimed to be violent or the unmercifulness with which the indebtedness was being received. Like any moral economist, she was on the side of the debtor.

            “The two men arguing—who are they?” she asked.

            “Men of the year 1813, when this home was first built ere in Greenfield,” Margaret Clooney said to her. “The debtor, who is the first owner of this house, is a man by the name of Asaph Oldmeadow. Do you know of the Oldmeadows? If you do not, it would be my pleasure to tell you a bit about them. They are a part of my history, and my descendant’s history, and your history also.”

            “I’ve heard of the Oldmeadows. The Barings are descended from an Oldmeadow woman, aren’t they—that is, aren’t we?”

            The ghost of Margaret Clooney nodded. “Your grandfather’s grandmother, whom I believe he is given to occasionally mentioning, was Horton Oldmeadow,” she said. “The name Horton was reused in the family, just as the name Margaret has been reused. Probably the name was something along the lines of Hortense in the beginning—In principio, if you’ve ever looked through a Vulgate Bible. This Horton Oldmeadow was the daughter of a close friend of mine—but that is a story for another time.” The ghost, Rosie realized, was vanishing as she said this.

            “I will see you again, Margaret?” Rosie asked.

            “You will,” said Margaret Clooney. “I promise you that; you will.”

            She dissolved into the firefly dusk. Rosie blinked, then went back inside, into the storm-choked house. The kitchen clock read twelve-thirty, and the radiator pipes were still singing, joyful in having a reason to serve at last.

5.

The Folktales 

A week or so into November, once power had been restored in the house and life had gone more or less back to normal, Rosie asked her grandfather about Horton Oldmeadow. Who he told her about instead was Horton Baring.

            Horton Baring had been Grandpa Baring’s older sister, the oldest of three siblings (the middle sibling, the first Franklin Baring, had been killed in the Korean War). She had been half-feral and barely literate, with a knack for beating people up that had already emerged by her early teens. In 1949 she had been expelled from Greenfield High School three weeks before she would have graduated, and she had spent most of the 1950s in and out of the Franklin County sheriff’s office. (Rosie asked her grandfather if she had ever actually been convicted of anything and he had said that on two occasions they had managed to make contempt of court stick and kept her around for a few weeks before letting her out again.) She had been a liberal smoker and drinker but was not known ever to have associated romantically with either men or women. Going into her thirties she had become something of an enforcer of her own justice, and it had actually been she who had brought Carl McNulty into the household after beating up his father as his father had been about to beat up him. This had been in 1968 or so, turbulent times for Grandma and Grandpa’s growing family as for the world as a whole. Carl and Horton had, by Grandpa’s account and also by Mags’s, been inseparable pretty much as soon as she had knocked his father to the ground on his behalf. A year or two after that Horton had died in unclear circumstances, still in her late thirties.

            “What happened to her?” Rosie asked. “If it’s not too hard to say.”

            “Wouldn’t say it’s too hard exactly,” Grandpa said. “She took a fall from the French King Bridge—you know, that bridge out on Route 2 to the east as it passes over the Connecticut going towards Boston. She’d been visiting with a friend who lived on a hill nearby by the name of Weatherhead, and she was walking across the river back from Weatherhead to meet with another friend when something happened. Never figured out what. Might could have been an accident, suicide, someone she’d crossed coming back to get her…” He shrugged his shoulders and threw up his hands. “Any number of things my sister could’ve gotten herself involved in,” he said. “Anyway, it damn near broke this family apart. None of us ever really looked at little Carl the same after that, and I think he knew it.”

            He showed her a picture of the three siblings then. Horton and Franklin I both looked a lot like her grandfather, like Tom. They all had the same ruddy complexion, meaty hands, and tragicomic resting expression. The picture must have been taken right before Franklin I had gone to Korea because Grandpa seemed already to be in his early teens and Rosie recognized Horton’s dress as a fashion of the very early fifties.

            “What did your brother do in Korea?” she asked.

            “Fighter pilot,” said Grandpa. “Lived on a base in Japan, near Osaka; commuted to the war zone in his Sabrejet from there. Got shot down by some Chinaman in a MiG right before the ceasefire in ’53. Nineteen years old.”

            Rosie had not been aware that the Air Force had ever had fighter pilots quite that young, and wondered if perhaps Franklin I’s exploits were being exaggerated somewhat—if he had instead been a wingman or something like that, or if it had been a bomber instead of a fighter, or, or, or…She shook her head. In the end, it didn’t really matter. He was dead, and Horton was dead, and her grandfather was still very much alive.

            “Probably shouldn’t say Chinaman,” her grandfather said. “Not polite, not these days.”

            And that was their first conversation about Horton Baring. It took a few more conversations in that month of November to get to the subject of Horton Oldmeadow, who had lived a much less disputable and apparently much less tragic life. Grandpa still remembered some of her stories, when he had been a child, about her own childhood—the days of taffeta bustles and shirtwaists, narrated to the days of pinstriped suits and trilbys.

            Also right after Halloween Rosie started going on little adventures around Western Massachusetts with two women about her and Mags’s age named Mattie Greer and Ellie Soren. Mattie and Ellie were not a couple; they were definitely both gay, but they seemed to be gay separately. Mattie was a graduate student at UMass, apparently doing a master’s in some foreign literature or another, and Ellie had arbitraged a BS in economics much like Rosie’s own into a job writing ad copy for a liquor distributor. On one day in particular the three of them were at a sort of embankment or landing along the Connecticut River, from which one could watch almost minute by minute as crimson-and-gold October turned to russet-and-silver November. Mattie, who had a taste for swimming in ludicrously cold water that Mags apparently shared, was doing backstrokes in the river’s shallows; Ellie, who looked and talked like she should have been much more adventurous than Mattie but apparently was not, was in a sport coat and a light scarf, hitting golf balls across the river with one of Grandpa Baring’s nine-irons.

            “You know, until he handed you that club this morning I didn’t even realized Grandpa played golf,” said Rosie.

            “He doesn’t,” said Ellie. “Fore!” Whack. A ball went flying up, up, and left Rosie’s vision against the whitish sky. Mattie seemed unperturbed and contemplative.

            “Well, be that as it may, hitting golf balls across a river is certainly a new idea,” said Rosie.

            “Is it?” asked Mattie dreamily from the water. “I’m not so sure. Did you ever see that old episode of—what was it?—the sitcom.”

            “Fair enough,” said Rosie, who knew what Mattie was alluding to, but only vaguely. “Okay, that’s fair enough.”

            “Mattie’s been watching a lot of sitcoms lately,” said Ellie. “She says they have a lot of the ‘amoral moralism’ of folk stories. That’s what she’s studying at UMass. Fore!” Whack.

            Mattie swam up to the landing and hauled herself up halfway onto the shore; Ellie handed her a towel to wrap around her shoulders. “ ‘Amoral moralism’ is a phrase I’m using in my thesis but I’m not actually sure how much I like it,” she said. “It’s a lot of fun, though. Writing the thing, I mean. I’m glad I went back to school.”

            “How old are you exactly?” Rosie asked.

            Mattie crammed on her glasses under her wet sheets of black hair and frowned at Rosie theatrically. “Don’t you know never to ask a lady that?” she said. “I’m twenty-five.” She yawned and pulled herself fully up out of the water. “Well, that was exhausting,” she said. “It probably kept my heart rate nice and low, though.”

            “Is this something you do every winter?” asked Rosie, gesturing at Mattie and at the river.

            “No, I actually just started doing this a year or two ago on your cousin’s recommendation,” Mattie said. “Where she got it from I have no idea. Turn around, I’m about to change back into my clothes.” Rosie turned around and Mattie kept talking. “Did you ever hear of the folktale called ‘The King of Cats’ or ‘The Prince of Cats’? I think it’s delightful, and it has the same feature that I notice in sitcoms where, when you hear it told, you keep thinking it’ll build to a moral conclusion and then it just doesn’t. It’s from Cornwall originally, I think; I found it in a Breton source; technically the literature I’m studying is French.” Rosie shook her head and said she hadn’t heard of it. “Would you like me to tell it to you?” Mattie asked. “You can turn around now, by the way.”

            Rosie turned around. Mattie was now dressed much the same as Ellie was and was wringing out her swimsuit so she could put it in her backpack. “Go ahead and tell me ‘The King of Cats,’ Mattie,” Rosie said.

            “So, the story goes,” said Mattie as they started to walk back towards Ellie’s car, “that an old farmer, long ago, had a mean, cussed old black cat, as so many old farmers do. He was walking along a lonely road one evening, trying to figure out what to do about the cat, when he saw a procession of other cats, carrying a cat-sized coffin. He marveled at this sight, of course, and up to him there walked a cat with a grave and official-seeming expression, like that of an undertaker or a coroner.

            “The grave, official-seeming cat said to the old farmer, ‘Tell Tom Tildrum Tim Toldrum’s dead!’ The old farmer, not knowing what this meant, went on his way and went home to his own cat, and to his wife.

            “A few nights later, the farmer was walking along that same road when he saw the same procession of cats and coffin. The cat coroner or undertaker said to him again, ‘Tell Tom Tildrum Tim Toldrum’s dead!’ He still did not know what this meant, and he went home and the cat clawed him and his wife nagged him.

            “Finally, a third time, the farmer was walking along and he saw the funeral procession. The coroner or undertaker said to him, for the third time, ‘Tell Tom Tildrum Tim Toldrum’s dead!’ He was struck with a great fear, and he ran, did not walk, on home.

            “He said to his wife something to the effect of ‘I keep seeing these cats, this strange procession.’ His mean, cussed old black cat was looking at him intently now.” At this point in the story they reached Ellie’s car and set about getting into it. “He said ‘I just don’t know what it means,’” Mattie went on. “‘They’ve spoken to me, you know. They want me to find somebody called Tom Tildrum and tell him that Tim Toldrum is dead. I don’t know who either of those men are!’

            “‘Tim Toldrum is dead?!’ the mean, cussed old black cat suddenly screamed. ‘Why, then, I am now King of the Cats!’ And with that, the cat rose up the old farmer’s chimney like some, flew out into the night with a blood-curdling caterwaul, and was never seen or heard from in those parts again. And so goes the story.”

            “Isn’t there a Steven Vincent Benét version of that story, Mattie?” Ellie asked, putting the golf club and her back of golf balls in her trunk.

            “I don’t know who Steven Vincent Benét is,” said Rosie.

            “I think there might be,” said Mattie.

            On the drive back up to Greenfield there were a few more flurries. Rosie tried to think of an Italian folktale that she had once heard from her grandmother; she wanted to tell it to Mattie and Ellie as a sort of reciprocation, since she had enjoyed the story about the King of the Cats more than she had expected to. Try as she might, she could not put her finger on it. It had something to do with the devil, and a fig tree, and an old woman being cursed to have small breasts; it was just the kind of bawdy story, with faint hints of internalized misogyny, that Grandma Newgarth loved. Eventually it occurred to her that she could just tell them those elements—devil, fig tree, old woman, small breasts. Mattie might be able to put it together from her own knowledge base, or, if not, she might be able to look it up whenever she got home or to wherever her laptop currently was.

            “I think I have heard that one,” she said when Rosie told her the basic elements. “Neapolitan or Sicilian or something like that, right?”

            “I believe so, yeah,” said Rosie. “I heard it from my grandmother, on the non-Baring side. Do either of you have grandparents who have that—well, who get salty with you like that?”

            “My grandmother does occasionally,” said Ellie. “I think most of Mattie’s family is probably too buttoned-up for it. That’s probably why you can come across as stuck-up and retiring, isn’t it, Mattie?” she shouted into the back seat where Mattie was lying down.

            “Well, that and the depression,” muttered Mattie, who seemed to be half asleep.

            Rosie felt suddenly like she he had gone through the looking glass. There was something irreducibly manic and madcap about spending time with these two women, something that was starting to make her uncomfortable. Surely they couldn’t be like this all the time; with her own family, with Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Margaret and Uncle Franklin and Mags, and certainly at home with Mom and Dad and Madison, it was easy enough to imagine that they more or less always were the way they appeared to be. It was easy enough to imagine that Madison was thinking of George and Ira Gershwin more often than not, or that Mags spent most of her free time reading genre novels and making those bracelets based on them, or that Aunt Margaret was just as reluctant to talk about her estranged husband and children with everybody else as she was with Rosie. Surely that wasn’t the case here; surely Mattie and Ellie were not always hitting golf balls across rivers and saying things like “well, that and the depression,” were they? Had her grandfather somehow put them up to it, as a way to entertain her after the downbeat conversations he had been having with her lately. She obviously could not just ask them, but she felt the need to know.

            They returned to Greenfield. When Rosie got back home she found Mags and Uncle Franklin standing together pensively in the kitchen, looking out the window across the driveway to a plot where they had planted some garlic just before the blizzard. Rosie wondered what they expected it to be doing right now, exactly; you planted garlic in the fall before the first frost, and it burgeoned in the winter and came up in early spring. The book that Mags had shown Rosie had been very clear about that, and the process sounded very straightforward.

            It occurred to her that maybe they were not, after all, expecting anything from the garlic in particular. Maybe the garlic was beside the point, and their gazes out the window were in reality gazes at something quite different, much more dangerous and arcane. Maybe they were just standing there, looking pensively, looking carefully, looking at something together because they, they in particular, could not bear to look at each other.

6.

The Holiday

December 2011, that year’s long Advent, was a time of consequence. Between Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas Eve, Herman Cain suspended his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, the United Kingdom severed diplomatic ties with the Islamic Republic of Iran, Kim Jong-il died abruptly and was succeeded as leader of North Korea by his twentysomething son, the Obama administration formally declared an end to the Iraq War, and the German novelist Christa Wolf died at eighty-two. Christopher Hitchens also died, as did Václav Havel. Tropical Storm Washi hit the Philippines and killed almost thirteen hundred people. In Western Massachusetts, winter came on in earnest, the water got too cold for even Mattie Greer to go swimming in before freezing over entirely, the days shortened into abbreviations that were already almost completely dark by four or five o’ clock, and Greenfield’s half-dozen or so Catholic and liturgical Protestant churches got fully into the Advent-Christmas season. The thin edge of the present advanced further into the future from the past, the last ends of Rosie and her family came closer day by day as always, and Mags started dating somebody.

            “I’ve had a crush on him since I was young,” she explained to a slightly gobsmacked Rosie, “or at least I think I have. We don’t have as much in common now as we did when we were twelve. I suppose I wanted to see there was any way we could recapture those days.”

            “Can I ask if you’ve ever been in a relationship before?” said Rosie. “You’ve never mentioned any exes or anything.”

            “I had a couple of casual hookups at UMass before deciding that wasn’t the way for me,” said Mags. “And I had a horrible jealousy-fueled high school ‘friendship’ with a girl called Jessica Winters. Other than that, no.”

            “What is he like, if you and he don’t have much in common anymore?” Rosie asked her then. For some reason the idea of Mags dating somebody just to see what was like filled her with foreboding. It was like being told that Madison had lost her virginity or that Dad was getting promoted at work—in some sense it represented forward progress, but it was also a move out of a situation to which the people concerned had already long since been habituated.

            “I guess he’s just your typical guy from around here,” said Mags, which did not inspire confidence. “He loves the Patriots and he wants to move to Boston at some point. He’s a manager in a farm store and I’ve had his cooking a couple of times; it’s pretty good, so that’s worth pursuing this for, I think.”

            “Do you want to move to Boston at some point, Mags?” Rosie asked.

            Mags shook her head. “I don’t,” she said. “And that’s why I’ve decided I’m not going to have sex with Zachary.”

            “I’m sorry,” said Rosie, “but what?”

            Mags shrugged. “It’d feel like I was ascribing some sort of weight to the decisions he’s making about what to do with his life,” she said. Something about her tone of voice as she said this made Rosie realize, with a sudden realization, that her cousin was seeing this man out of nothing so much as good old-fashioned garden-variety boredom. For some reason that Rosie could not put her finger on, having realized that made her feel a bit better about it.

            Rosie behaved a little grouchily the next day around one of the guests, a woman named Francine Kipperman. Francine was a middle-aged New Jerseyite who reminded Rosie of her mother, and as such, Rosie felt a certain uncertainty around her. She was entitled, or seemed that way; Rosie’s mother was not entitled, so perhaps it was one or more of her paternal aunts of whom Rosie was actually reminded. What Rosie snapped at Francine about was Francine’s complaint that she had missed the foliage season.

            “The foliage season is mid-fall, Ms. Kipperman,” she said with a heaviness to her voice. “It’s December 11.”

            “It’s still fall till the solstice, though.”

            “Are there still autumn leaves on the trees in Morris County?” asked Rosie. “No? Then why would there be autumn leaves still on the trees here? We’re like two degrees of latitude further north, and we’re further inland too. There’s half a foot of snow on the ground.”

            “I paid to see foliage. My hubby Roy told me it’d be here still.”

            “Your hubby Roy was mistaken or poorly informed, Ms. Kipperman.”

            “Are you mouthing off to me?!”

            It had taken the expert—as in literally taught to him at a postgraduate level—conflict resolution skills of Uncle Franklin to get Rosie out of that jam. He had even extracted a promise from Francine to visit Franklin County again next year earlier in the fall. There was a poem by Dickinson that Mags cited to Rosie when she told her about this little altercation she had had.

If you were coming in the Fall

I'd brush the Summer by

With half a smile, and half a spurn

As Housewives do, a Fly

❦ 

If I could see you in a year

I'd wind the months in balls

And put them each in separate Drawers

For fear the numbers fuse

❦ 

If only Centuries, delayed…

“How does the poem end?” Rosie asked Mags once she had trailed off at the beginning of the third stanza.

            “‘It goads me, like the goblin bee that will not state its sting,’ ‘It’ is time—not knowing when something dearly longed for and waited for is going to happen. If it is going to happen.”

            “I think that’s all of us, at some point or another in our lives,” Rosie said with a glance out the bedroom window at the road.

            “I think it is,” said Mags. “On the other hand, I completely understand that I doubt any of us are exactly longing for a repeat visit from Francine Kipperman or her ‘hubby.’”

            “All I can say is that I’m certainly not,” said Rosie with a theatrical little flip of her hair.

            “On another note,” said Mags, “do you have any Christmas Eve plans yet? You mentioned a while back you do tend to go to church on the big holidays. I’d be happy to go to Midnight Mass this year with you.”

            “I’m actually not feeling the Christmas spirit nearly as strongly in this year as in years past, but sure, Midnight Mass sounds good to me,” Rosie said. “What can you tell me about the Catholic parishes in Greenfield?”

            “There are two pretty standard Catholic parishes, like ones you could find anywhere, in Greenfield itself,” said Mags. “One is called Blessed Sacrament and the other one is called Holy Trinity. The main difference between them is that Blessed Sacrament has uglier architecture but prettier music. One town over in Turners Falls there are Our Lady of Czestochowa and Our Lady of Peace, and the main difference between those is that Czestochowa is very conservative and Peace is very liberal. I’m happy with any of the four since I can go either way on architecture versus music and I’ve never really liked politics with my religion. Do you have any preference given those descriptions?” She cast a somewhat concerned, assessing eye on Rosie, for some reason. It was the kind of gaze that made Rosie feel more relevant to other people’s worlds than she would have liked to be.

            “Let’s go with Holy Trinity,” she saqid. “That’s the white-and-green Carpenter Gothic one across from the co-op on Main Street, right?” Mags nodded. “A pretty building without any political philosophy to speak of sounds good to me for Christmas,” Rosie said. “Maybe if it were the Assumption or something I’d feel otherwise.” She shrugged. “That work okay for you, Mags?” she asked to make sure.

            “Sounds great to me,” Mags said. “Let’s make a plan of it.”

            “Will your boyfriend be coming with us?”

            “Almost definitely not. Are you okay? You sound almost a little jealous.”

            “I wouldn’t say I’m jealous, no,” Rosie said. “I just don’t get it.”

            “To be honest, I’m not sure I do either some of the time with him,” said Mags.

            “Then why…? Never mind. I know there’s a childhood crush involved. That’s reason enough, and I’ll try to be respectful of it.”

            And that was how the conversation between the two of them ended. When Christmas Eve actually did roll around a few days later, however, Rosie went not to Midnight Mass with Mags but to a Protestant service in Amherst with Grandpa and Uncle Franklin. This was how that came to pass.

            Uncle Franklin and Aunt Margaret had a friend called Clara Warman who lived in Turners Falls. Clara was about seventy-five years old, so a year or a few older than Grandma and Grandpa, and went to the same church in Bernardston that Uncle Franklin usually did. Aunt Margaret, who was agnostic, heard from Clara that she lacked “wheels” with which to get to Bernardston on Christmas Eve. Aunt Margaret knew at this point that Grandpa had prevailed upon Uncle Franklin to accompany him to Amherst, and so she suggested to Clara that she carpool with the two of them. Why exactly Grandpa insisted on going to church in Amherst in the first place, which was to say half an hour away even with no holiday traffic, was a riddle for the ages as far as Aunt Margaret was concerned.

            Clara was happy to carpool to Amherst but was, she said, uncomfortable riding in a car alone with two men, even ones she knew and trusted like Uncle Franklin and Grandpa. So Aunt Margaret offered to go with them. This would have worked out well for all concerned, but mere hours after the decision to do it this way had been arrived at, Aunt Margaret got an unexpected call from her ex-husband, asking that she accompany him and their three teenaged children to the service at the Lutheran church near the Honda dealership. This would have been her first time spending Christmas with her children in about four years. There was of course no way she could say no to this, so she asked Grandma, Rosie, and Mags if any of them were willing to schlep down to Amherst in her stead. Rosie objected to the plan the least, and so off she went.

            The drive down to Amherst on Christmas Eve was in fact a delight. There was a light snow and the other cars on the interstate, and on Route 116 once they got off the interstate, seemed somehow to be in good spirits, as if Christmas brought inert metal to life and emotion just as (old tales said) it imbued nonhuman animals with intellect and will. Grandpa was driving and he had on an old CD of Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby alternating holiday standards, with the Andrews Sisters on one track and (of all people) a young David Bowie on another. The car’s heating system was turned up high enough for the benefit of the oldsters to be a little uncomfortable for Rosie, but she barely minded when she kept in mind how cold it was outside. Grandpa and Clara sang along to many of the songs on the CD, and after a while Rosie felt comfortable joining in with them. The level of bonhomie was actually beginning to surprise her. There was something almost like a spiritual experience about it, unselfconscious and looking outwards.

            When they got to Amherst there was, miraculous to report, yet more confusion, this time about to which specific church among the several mainline Protestant churches in and near Amherst Center they would be going. The assumption had been that they would go to First Congregational but it seemed Clara had heard wonderful things about the music at Grace Episcopal and so wanted to go there instead and see how she liked it. They argued for about ten minutes before deciding to defer to the wishes of a sweet old guest and go to the eleven o’ clock service at Grace.

            Grace was a greystone Gothic Revival building overlooking the snowbound common in the middle of Amherst. It was just the kind of church to attract a large congregation for an old-fashioned Christmas Eve, even though, as Rosie was given to understand, most Episcopal parishes these days had a hard time retaining worshippers on ordinary Sundays. She thought that was a shame; it was a lovely building, and she hated to think of a denomination with buildings like this struggling.

            The music was as promised. Rosie had never heard some of the carols they sang that evening—“Good Christian friends rejoice,” a setting of “O little town of Bethlehem” that she did not recognize, a few others. “Silent night” and “Joy to the world” were familiar, of course, as was “In the bleak midwinter,” which appeared on a King’s College Choir CD that Madison sometimes liked to listen to at this time of year. (Rosie missed Madison; indeed, she was surprised to find that most days she missed the kid more than missed most of her friends from high school and from SUNY Binghamton.) She wasn’t sure how Grandpa and Uncle Franklin were feeling about this service; her impression was that the one at the Congregational church would have been much more sober and more stripped-down. Conversely, she wasn’t sure how that one would have made her feel if they had gone to it the way they had planned to at first. It was funny how preferences—needs, even—could be in conflict like that, even between loved ones, between relatives.

            They left the church at half past midnight and came out into the chilly night air. Clara huddled in an overcoat; Rosie zipped her jacket up to the top. In the sky, above the lights of Amherst Center, she could see a few bright stars. Grandpa and Uncle Franklin wished a merry Christmas to five or six different people, then ushered the four of them into the Subaru and headed on home.

            Mags had already long since gotten back from Holy Trinity, which would seem to have its major Christmas Eve Mass quite a bit earlier in the night. She was relaxing in her and Rosie’s room, listening, it would seem, to something acoustic and contemplative. It did not sound particularly seasonal. “Vashti Bunyan again?” Rosie asked, naming an artist of this sort whom she remembered Mags enjoyed, even though as far as she recalled Vashti Bunyan’s voice did not sound much like this woman’s at all.

            “Close,” said Mags in a manner of speaking that signaled to Rosie that she had not really been that close. “Jen Cloher.”

            “Hmm,” said Rosie. “Got sick of hymns?”

            “You could say that. Holy Trinity just does the old standbys for its Christmas hymns. It’s lovely and always lifts my spirits, but once you get out you sort of…how should I put this…?…You sort of realize that there’s been this blast of concentrated Christmasiness that you’ve been hit with hard for the past hour and a half, and, if you’re me, you start to want to listen to something else when you get home. Am I making any sense?”

            “You are,” said Rosie.

            “You’re happy to sit with me listening to this for a little while?”

            “I am,” said Rosie.

            “Good.” Mags—who had just made reference to sitting, to sitting with Rosie—instead flopped down on her bed in that customary girlish way of hers. Rosie sat on her own bed, letting herself relax after what had, after all, been a hectic evening. Something like Christmas joy came down and rested, gently, on the two of them.

Novella: “A Trick of the Light” (Part One)

Note: This is part of a thematic series called Compulsory Figures, and not the first part. I wrote it in the great and terrible year 2020. Compulsory Figures in its entirety—written on and off between 2017 and 2021—will see the light of day eventually.

1.

The Train

Rosie Newgarth graduated from college in 2011 and moved back home right away. Since the Great Recession had hit she had had no idea what “came next” for her, and she did not want to live with her friends. She had majored in economics and graduated on time with a good, not great, GPA; she was physically attractive and had done some sportswear modeling one summer, and between that and a series of merit scholarships she graduated with less debt than one might have expected. Home for Rosie was the 1950s pseudo-Cape where her parents Richard and Martha and her sixteen-year-old sister Madison lived on Long Island. Newgarth was an anglicization devised at Ellis Island ninety or a hundred years before, and the family still owned a velvet painting of Luciano Pavarotti that Rosie’s paternal grandmother had given her as a Christmas present when she was ten years old.

            “You really should visit my folks one of these days, Rosie,” Martha Newgarth said to her one day that summer as they sat in their backyard drinking sangria—Martha in a sundress with a warm-toned, youthful pattern, Rosie in her bikini top and a pair of palazzo pants.

            “In Massachusetts?” Rosie asked, and Martha nodded. “I dunno; maybe,” Rosie said. “I’d like to. But I’d also like to focus on finding a job before I go around visiting people.”

            “That’s actually part of why I’m bringing this up, Rosie,” said her mother. “That bed and breakfast your grandfather was trying to start up might finally work now and they want someone there managing the books. You’re smart, you’re good with figures and with money. You studied economics. I think you should consider it.”

            “Mom, I just got back from four years in the Southern Tier. Forgive me if I’m not plotzing at the idea of moving to Discount Stars Hollow to work at Grandpa’s bed and breakfast.”

            “Don’t call it ‘Discount Stars Hollow’; there’s nothing cheap about it,” said Martha. “Rosie, it’s just a suggestion. Think it over, okay? Please just see how you feel about it for my sake?”

            “I think I already know how I feel about it, but okay,” Rosie said.

            And she did think it over; for the next two or three weeks she spent about half an hour each day, on average, contemplating what it might be like to be on the outskirts of Greenfield, Massachusetts 01301, managing the books for Grandpa Baring’s passion project hotel. She called him once, and he was glad to heart from her.

            “Rosie! So good to hear from you! Your mother told me you might call,” he said in a canny tone of voice. “How are things? Got that fancy diploma yet hanging on your wall? How’s the boyfriend? Still together?” he asked without waiting for an answer to the question about the diploma.

            “No, not still together, sorry to say,” Rosie said. “He wanted to be in some living situation with some friends of ours that I didn’t want.” She did not wish to get into the details with her grandfather, who was closing in on three-quarters of a century and had married before 1960. “So we had a big fight right before graduation and now we don’t speak anymore.”

            “Relationships are difficult,” said her grandfather after, apparently, a moment’s contemplation. “A donnybrook or two now and then is one thing. Survivable, I’d say normal. But right before graduation seems like about the worst time for it possible. Do you feel okay about it? I’m happy to send your Uncle Franklin down in his truck if I need to.”

            “There’s no need to send anybody down in his or her truck, Grandpa. I feel…I feel as if it ought to hurt more than it does. I find myself wishing that a lot of things these days hurt me more than they do.”

            “Live to my age, life’ll get to you,” her grandfather said. ‘Some day soon you’ll stop wishing things hurt more.” There was a lull in their talk; then he asked “You give any thought to coming to work up here for a bit? I figured that could be what you were calling about.”

            “It is to an extent,” said Rosie. “Is what I’m calling about to an extent, I mean. I have been thinking about it; the issue is that I don’t know what I want adult life to look like for me quite yet.” She avoided the temptation to add out loud but I’m pretty sure I don’t want it to look like that. There was another lull in the conversation; from downstairs Rosie could hear Madison practicing on her spinet piano that they had inherited from Great-Aunt Jenny, and outside Rosie’s bedroom window the back yard sat green-brown and pluripotent.

            “Just be in touch more, okay, Rosie?” her grandfather asked. “It does me and your grandmother a world of good to hear from you, mentally speaking.” She nodded, and made a little sound in her throat to indicate to him that she was nodding. Then they hung up. She set her phone—a few years old; still not a smartphone—aside on her writing desk and flopped down on her bed. Vague yet not unpleasant memories of times when she had gone up to Greenfield to visit her Baring relatives there passed through her mind the way rosary beads had passed through her pious child fingers ten or fifteen years before. A house painted in the colors of a barn; a door being opened to let some kind of long-haired cat in; a car ride to a garden supply store with her Aunt Margaret and another young girl whose face Rosie remembered more faithfully than her name. There had been cool summers back then up that way, and she had once or twice gone for a fully clothed swim in some river or other, falsely thinking it would keep her warmer. She recalled food of some heavy, tragic ethnic origin, and a Christmas Eve service in one of those whitewashed churches with windows of mostly clear glass. She recalled raspberry ice cream and astonishingly bitter iced tea.

            Would life really be so much different if she did spend a while up there, she wondered? What was she doing here, in Nassau County, that was so worth her while that she could not stand but to stay? Each day she got up, texted, listened to music, listened to Madison practice piano (which practice, increasingly, could also be called music), ate and drank, sat with Mom or with Dad in the back yard, and so on, and so on. Some Sundays she went to St. Agnes for lack of anything else to do, and some Tuesdays she went to see a blockbuster at the Loew’s in the shopping center. In this manner three and a half months had already passed by, and passed her by, since she had graduated in Binghamton in May. It was a life of leisure, but leisure with little chance of gaining dimensions, of developing mystery or depth. She felt an attachment to it, but it worried her to think that this feeling might not correspond to anything in the real world. An observer who did not know her might very well conclude that what she was doing these days was little worth her while. She almost felt just such an observer, some unknown titan lurking deep in the early history of her brain, convicting her of a vague and mild but somehow undeniable guilt. It was not a feeling that she relished.

            After August passed Rosie made up her mind. She had still not found a job with enough hours or enough pay to seriously change her situation here, so she might as well take the Amtrak up to Greenfield to see what she could see there. It would be an open-ended visit, probably not a very long one, but she could not honestly say that for sure. She called her grandfather again and he told her that he was able and ready to host her for just as long as she wished. Now all that remained was to arrange the travel itself. Somehow the romance of doing it by rail was not a romance that Rosie was willing to give up.

            She secured her ticket. It was one-way even though she fully intended to return to New York, because she did not want to commit herself to returning at any particular time, and in particular not at any time that might fall after she got sick of her Baring relatives. She was still convinced that indeed she would get sick of them eventually; they were old, and had a dour and uncool flintiness to them, one and all. Rosie did not understand herself to be cool, but she certainly did not understand herself to be flinty or dour either. She was picturing an environment like in that book Cold Comfort Farm, tragicomic to a point that would be difficult to take seriously.

            Her last evening at home Madison put on a little concert for her. Madison’s voice was a beautiful contralto much richer than you would expect from a rising high school junior, better actually than her skills with the piano as an instrument; she plugged away at the chords of “St. James Infirmary” and “These Foolish Things” while her voice carried the melodies, and even when she got to one of Satie’s piano pieces she hummed, or keened, along with it. They had lox bagels for dinner; ten or twelve hours after the appointed time for such a meal, but an important and crowd-pleasing send-off considering that in much of small-town New England you couldn’t find a decent bagel sandwich for love or money. It was the middle of September and the wind had an aroma of fall or even of early winter when Rosie went outside to look down the evening street for the last time in weeks or months.

            The nearest train station to Greenfield was an unmanned little platform in Amherst, through which the Vermonter passed once a day in either direction. Amherst was known for Emily Dickinson, lefty politics, and at least two or three different colleges, including the one Madison’s friend Jessica wanted to go to in a few years. Rosie wasn’t sure what Greenfield was known for, other than her family; she had asked her grandfather this over the phone and he had observed that not everywhere had the luxury of being known for something; and besides, what was Rockville Center known for other than police unions and an obscure Catholic diocese? “There are quite a few Underground Railroad houses in this area though,” he conceded, “our own house not least of all. Or at least that’s the family lore that’s come down to us from your Baring great-great-grandmother. Remarkable character, my grandmother, she was. I feel somehow you’d have liked her if you’d have been alive back then.”

            “When did your grandmother die?” Rosie asked. “Out of curiosity, if you don’t mind the question. I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mother mentioning having known her.”

            “No, she never did,” Grandpa Baring said. “People had kids younger back then but they tended to die younger too. My grandmother passed in 1950, when I was eleven or twelve; I forget which side of my birthday it fell on. Not a good birthday for me either way.” He paused. “I apologize,” he said, “for sharing too much about it, if share too much about it I have.”

            “Don’t worry, Grandpa. I’m easygoing about oversharing.”

            “Oversharing,” said her grandfather, and she actually heard pen scrape against notepad. “I’d better remember that word, I feel. So thank you for it, Rosie. I’ll see you soon?”

            “Yes, Grandpa. I’ll see you very soon.” Rosie hung up. She sighed. At this time tomorrow evening she would be just settling in up in Greenfield, probably wanting to sleep after a long journey. It was odd to think of, and she felt that something about her life was changing more irrevocably than the fact that it was meant to be a temporary visit would suggest. A strange feeling, a feeling that left her with little in the way of sympathy for herself. She wondered if she would be able to explain it to her family when she got up there.

            She took the train into New York and got on the Vermonter at Penn Station. It had been her hope that she would embark at Grand Central, a much better-looking and better-feeling and thus more auspicious station from which to begin a long journey northward, but she was to have no such luck. So she let herself be content with Penn Station, and settled onto the train as best she could as it passed out of the city.

            Between the city and the Connecticut state line the train passed through an odd borderland of coastal wetlands, abandoned factories, suburban tracts, and sometimes a school running track or a dreary baseball diamond. The businesses whose signs she was able to see from the window of her compartment mostly had name like Moskowitz’s and Martinelli’s. As the train passed into Connecticut and turned north on its long line towards Canada, the Italian and Jewish names on the signs and billboards gradually gave way to—or, at least, were gradually supplemented with—Irish and Waspish ones: Shea’s, Clark’s, Murphy’s.

            The train came to Amherst. By that time Rosie had read about half of a Haruki Murakami novel, which she had disliked, and maybe a third of an old horror paperback, which she had loved. A taste for horridness in her literature had coexisted with normalcy in her dress and affect for about a year now; the former was something to which her now-ex-boyfriend had introduced her.

            The station in Amherst was, as she had been told, an unmanned landing with a little red brick building that looked like it was long-disused. Trees now showing the first blush of fall color shielded a busy-sounding road from view. A man with a short white beard and an expression that implied a tragic sense of life stood next to a Subaru Outback waiting for her. It was her grandfather. She waved, and he came over and hugged her tightly. The outer voyage was over and the inner voyage would soon begin. 

2.

The Dinner

The drive from Amherst to Greenfield was pleasant, if a bit chillier than Rosie would have expected. Her grandfather, for reasons best known to himself, evidently did not feel the need to discuss how her train ride had been or how she felt about being up here after having said before that she would rather not. Instead he would laconically, almost churlishly, point out the sights with a jab of his pink, hairy hand and a few words from his close-pursed lips. The way he spoke about the things they passed would seem to heighten a feeling of some kind of inevitable tragedy. “We’re passing the UMass campus,” he’d say, or “We’re passing the First Church of Sunderland,” or “That there’s the Yankee Candle headquarters; its says ‘Scenter of the Universe’ on it.” Rosie felt that he would likely take much the same attitude towards showing her the house when they got to it. “Your cousin Mags went to UMass,” he observed at one stage, and Rosie did not want to wonder out loud who her cousin Mags was and why she never heard her mother talk about her.

            They took a few back streets through Greenfield and ended up on a partially suburbanized road leading up away from the town. The house was just after a graveyard on this road, between and behind a patchy curtain of yellowing and browning trees. It had been repainted since Rosie was young and was now a mousy sage-green color that made it fade somewhat into its surroundings. It was in what she believed was called a Federal style, vernacular, wooden and shingle. Her grandfather turned the Subaru up a longish gravel driveway and waved hello to a young woman Rosie did not recognize who was watering a raised bed of what looked like some kind of fall root vegetable. She was a few inches taller than Rosie, looked about her age, and had a pale face with a pointed nose between curtains of auburn hair. She was dressed in a tan jacket and a long multicolored skirt and the watering can that she held was of battered and slightly corroded metal of some kind.

            “Mags, this is your cousin Rosary Newgarth,” said her grandfather as they got out of the car. “She goes by Rosie.”

            “I remember. It’s good to see you again after all these years, Rosie.” Mags shook her hand and pulled her into a loose half-hug. Rosie racked her brains and then finally saw it, something unchanged in the roiling hair or the big glaring grey eyes. Yes, this was that girl with whom she had gone to the garden store and swum in the river long ago. She tightened the hug a little, and it felt like a long-forgotten instinct.

            “You have a good trip up, Rosie?” someone asked as they entered into what Rosie believed was called the house’s mudroom. He was a thick-set man with very dark hair and dark blue eyes, standing next to a tall, thin woman who seemed to have been painted from the same palette. They looked to be between forty-five and fifty years old, about Rosie’s father’s age and a little older than her mother, and she recognized them as Uncle Franklin and Aunt Margaret, her grandparents’ two eldest children. Uncle Franklin was in a plaid shirt and black jeans, Aunt Margaret in a plaid shirt and bluish-grey jeans. She held in her hand a pitcher of what looked like the bitter iced tea that Rosie remembered from her girlhood. One or two lemons wedges, which had clearly been squeezed out as much as humanly possible, floated in it like tablets or oracles cast into the sea. Rosie nodded, and told Uncle Franklin that, yes, her trip had gone fine and she felt excited for the weeks to come. And after all, that was true now; something about actually getting up here had reminded Rosie of the fascination that this place had held for her back in her early days, and she looked forward now to rediscovering that if she could.

            It was a little before six o’ clock and dinner was at seven, so Aunt Margaret took it upon herself to give Rosie a tour of the house. It had a nineteenth-century skeleton on which an up-to-date kitchen and bathroom had at some recent point been grafted like old skin around new wine—or was it the other way around? There were five bedrooms, three upstairs and two downstairs; one was Grandpa and Grandma’s, one was Mags’s, and the other three—two up and one down; the three that were easiest to reach considering the house’s warrenlike floor plan—were in principle for guests. Rosie was what was in principle about it and Aunt Margaret told her that Uncle Franklin was living her for the time being after a collapse in his life, a collapse of some unspecified but dramatic-seeming kind. One of the two real guests room, then, was at the moment occupied by a family from Maine, who were out visiting with friends right now and would be taking off after breakfast tomorrow (Aunt Margaret would be leaving after dinner tonight to return to her divorcée’s apartment in downtown Greenfield). Rosie wanted to ask where, all this being the case, she was going to sleep, but it slipped her mind when Aunt Margaret started telling her something about the house’s radiators.

            Dinner was something called a New England boiled dinner; it was a plate of boiled potatoes with other vegetables and some sort of corned beef. Grandpa Baring informed Rosie that it had entered the region’s cookery via immigration from Ireland, and Rosie said, by way of a joke, that it tasted like seven hundred and fifty years of oppression and regret must have felt. To her relief, everybody laughed at this.

            “I know the family that’s staying in that upstairs room won’t be eating with us tonight in particular,” she said, “but in general, can we expect people staying here as guests to eat with us more dinnertimes than not? I just want to know what to expect in terms of, well, privacy in this house, frankly. It’s a question that I have to admit I’ve been apprehensive about.” Nobody answered immediately. “I’m sorry if there’s something obvious that I’m missing,” Rosie said. “I don’t know much about what it’s like to run and bed and breakfast; I’m a numbers girl, not a hospitality industry girl.”

            “I’m going to address you as ‘Numbers Girl’ from now on, Rosie,” Mags said. “It’s cute.”

            “Go right ahead,” Rosie said. “Can somebody please answer my question about who will be here at a typical dinnertime?”

            “Just those of us who live here,” said Rosie’s grandmother, who looked almost exactly like Aunt Margaret only with silver hair and a more advanced set of crows’-feet. “Guests are responsible for their own meals other than breakfast. We have a narrow view of what the mission of a bed and breakfast ought to be, in part because of our own much-depleted resources, a subject that I would have been wondering about for a while now if I were you.”

            “I had been, actually, now that you mention it,” said Rosie. “Is this paying for Grandma and Grandpa and Mags and Uncle Franklin’s keep?” Uncle Franklin shook his head. “Okay.”

            “We’ve got money in the blue chips,” Uncle Franklin explained. “Just not as much of it as we used to.”

            “What does the bed and breakfast business actually pay for, then?”

            “Itself, barely,” said Grandpa Baring. “It holds a fascination for me, hosting people for a living. Something to do in my golden years—in my retirement, that is.” Rosie realized that she actually had no idea what manner of a career it was that her grandfather was retired from.

            “I see,” said Rosie. “If all that’s needed is to keep the bed and breakfast itself in the black, then I think I can manage that reasonably.”

            “You’re staying?” asked Uncle Franklin.

            “I’ve been here two hours,” Rosie said. “Ask me that again when I’ve been here two weeks. That is how long my dad always told me I should stick with a task to see how it goes.”

            “Helluva name, Newgarth,” said Uncle Franklin. “Where’s it come from, if you know?”

            “Ellis Island anglicization,” said Rosie, “I think of an uncommon Italian name called Nogarotto or Nogaretti. People think it’s German or Dutch for some reason; I’ve never understood why.”

            “Helluva name, Nogarotto,” Uncle Franklin said with a little bit more of a twinkle in his eye than he had had at any point before this.

            “Or Nogaretti,” said Mags. “Rosie, I’m sorry we couldn’t welcome you with a more impressive dinner. There was this elaborate salad that I found a recipe for in an old book of Aunt Margaret’s, but I couldn’t find some of the ingredients when I went to Foster’s this morning so I went with the old standby instead. I know it’s not very impressive.”

            “Did you cook it?” Rosie asked. Rosie herself was an acceptable cook, and Madison was growing into a good, if unsystematic, one, so back home their parents need not cook nearly as often as their inability ever to agree on a takeout option would normally have implied. Rosie was cautious about how such things were handled in such a household as this one appeared to be.

            “I cook more nights than not,” Mags said. “Breakfast is Grandma and Uncle Franklin’s responsibility, though, and we’re each responsible for our own lunch. That’ll include you, of course, once you’ve been here for a while and have your own stuff in the pantry and the fridge and so forth.”

            “I had no doubt,” said Rosie. It came out a bit more aggressive than she had meant it or wanted it to. Aunt Margaret looked up from her corned beef and potatoes to give Rosie a somewhat sharp look, probably because of that accidental but unmistakable harshness.

            “So you have issues with preparing your own food, Rosie?” Aunt Margaret asked. It sounded like a sincere question, much more sincere than it probably would have been had Rosie asked it of somebody herself.

            “No,” Rosie said. “That system sounds all right to me. Sorry if I gave the wrong idea.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” said Aunt Margaret. Rosie was unsure what that meant here.

            “What do you like to eat, Rosie?” her grandfather asked her then. “Franklin usually does the shopping so if you’ll just put things up on the Big Board when you want ‘em or need ‘em then we ought to be able to get ‘em for you.” He jabbed a thumb at a whiteboard on one of the kitchen’s walls. Rosie would not have called it a particularly big board, but it did have the pride of place amidst the other items in the kitchen that a genuinely big board might well have had. Currently it had written on it peanut butter (chunky), hot sauce, rice cakes, bacon, black tea, Earl Grey tea, unsalted butter, and incense. Rosie asked what the incense was for.

            “Mags likes the stuff,” Grandma said. “Burns it all hours.”

            “Couldn’t tell you why,” said Grandpa. “Might could be a habit she picked up from her mom and dad.” This raised, more or less explicitly, the question of who exactly Mags’s mom and dad actually were. Rosie’s occasionally-seen Aunt Lizzie and her husband, maybe? Aunt Lizzie was the little sister of Mom, Aunt Margaret, and Uncle Franklin, and she had married someone almost-famous. It was not at all clear to Rosie why, if Mags was Aunt Lizzie’s child, she would be living here rather than somewhere “better.” Rosie looked at Mags. Her big grey eyes were turned down to her plate of vegetables, but not, apparently, with embarrassment or with desire not to be understood. Did Rosie want to be understood, she wondered? For a long time now it had haunted and bedeviled her, the prospect and possibility of knowing what she wanted and being known for who she was. It was one of the scariest things in the world to think of, and something about Mags, this putative cousin of hers whose face had always stuck with her, made her feel as if her fears might soon come true.

            “Some day I’m going to tell one of my online friends the awful truth about this family,” Mags said archly. Rosie wondered if she really meant this. Somehow or other, she hoped that she did not.

            “Eat your vegetables, Mags,” Aunt Margaret said to her offhandedly.

            “Rosie,” said Mags as she ate her vegetables as instructed, “what music do you listen to?”

            Rosie shrugged. “Lady Gaga, Adele, Arcade Fire, sometimes Taylor Swift or something off some opera CDs I got from my Newgarth grandmother. You know, white people music for the most part. You?”

            “Much the same,” said Mags, “as well as some stuff that’s a little more wooish and mystical like Loreena McKennitt and Heather Dale. Do you know either of them?”

            “I know of Loreena McKennitt,” said Rosie. “Oh—I forgot to mention traditional pop. Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney, Doris Day, and so on. Would you believe my sixteen-year-old sisters got into that stuff and then got me into it?”

            “I’d believe it,” said Grandma.

            Grandpa nodded. “Lotta younger people getting sick of the stuff on the radio and going back to the classics,” he said. “Not to make a moral thing of it of course like some of my old-man friends do, but it can do my heart good sometimes to be able to discuss this stuff with the young. You and I could have some good talks about it, Rosie. Helen O’Connell is a favorite of mine.”

            Rosie nodded. “Helen O’Connell is great,” she said, even though she had only heard a few of Helen O’Connell’s songs and was worried she might be getting her mixed up with Kitty Kallen. “I’d be glad to talk music with you or with Mags,” she said. “It’s a good thing Mags and I listen tot a lot of the same stuff since Aunt Margaret implied she and I will be in the same room for the first little while I’m here.”

            Mags looked at Aunt Margaret. “That’s the decision that’s been arrived at?” she asked.

            “Are you unhappy with it, Mags?” Aunt Margaret asked her. Mags shook her head. “You seem a little perturbed,” Aunt Margaret said.

            “I’m not unhappy with it, quite the contrary,” said Mags, whatever that meant, “but ‘perturbed’ is a good word for the fact that you didn’t ask me about this beforehand and I’m just hearing it from Rosie now at this dinner. That’s all,” she finished, with a bite of carrots.

            “Would you rather set things up otherwise?” asked Rosie. She was honestly hoping that Mags would say yes; having a roommate was not an aspect of college life that she missed now that it was over.

            “I would rather we see how it works out, to be honest with you,” said Mags. “We might as well. More room for guests.”

            “More room for guests,” conceded Rosie, and she felt uncomfortable about it till she saw how honest Mags’s smile was.

3.

The Conversation 

September passed into October and Rosie got to know the guests, the family, and how the house and the area worked. She reassured her grandparents early on that, although she was Catholic, they did not need to worry about getting her to Mass except on the major holidays. Mags was also Catholic, but otherwise the whole household was Yankee Congregationalist; indeed, Uncle Franklin had apparently been ordained as a Congregationalist minister at some church out in Chicago before coming back East after his crackup. Grandma and Grandpa went to a church in a nearby little town called Bernardston rain or shine each Sunday morning. Rosie took a ride up there with them once and was interested to see that the church had a rainbow flag out front of it and was just up the little town’s main drag from a pizza place.

            She and Mags managed to share a room more or less convivially. It was an odd room, with a boarded-up fireplace and a closet that stretched out strangely along one of the outer walls of the house; it had two twin beds in it. Rosie was unsure what exactly Mags did in terms of work, whether it be for the bed and breakfast or managing the blue chips or doing something else to earn her own keep. She spent many afternoons cooped up in their heavily shaded room, reading old pulp paperbacks in her one of the two small beds. Some evenings she would sit up late with a jeweler’s glass in one eye working on crafting projects of beadwork and wire. She kept the resulting pieces—decorations, jewelry, or wherever they may be—in the drawers of a work desk that took up one corner of the room; Rosie was loath to go over there and rifle through it, wanting to be polite despite the temptation.

            One day in early October, when the trees of Massachusetts were blazing, Rosie complained of a pain in her stomach.

            “What’s wrong?” Mags asked, casting a brief glance at Rosie before going back to one of her crafting projects.

            “Oh, it’s just my period,” Rosie said, feeling a little embarrassed. “Lately it’s been coming in weird fits and starts. It’s more painful than it used to be too.”

            “I know of numbers of herbal remedies you can take to regulate that,” Mags said casually. “Although I wouldn’t recommend most of them if you sleep with men and have strong feelings about abortion.”

            Rosie shook her head. “Haven’t slept with a guy in six months, don’t think much about abortion unless someone else brings it up,” she said. “Hit me.”

            Mags proceeded to rattle off the names of five or six different flowering plants Rosie had never heard of, plus something called cramp bark that she remembered from a joke in an old episode of Seinfeld. Mags—whose puffy white blouse and dark jeans were also reminding Rosie of Seinfeld—noted Rosie’s lack of recognition and wrote down the names of the herbs on a legal pad for her. “If you do start sleeping with men again then these might be best avoided,” she reiterated.

            “I’ll keep that in mind,” said Rosie. “It—do you mind if I ask if you’re one of those girls who have an interest in witchcraft, spells, what-have-you?”

            “Don’t call me a ‘girl’; I’m pretty sure I’m two years older than you,” said Mags. “And yes, sort of. I like herbs, I like flowers, I like cooking, and most of the prayers my mother and father taught me were to get boons from various saints. So I’m Catholic, but…” She shrugged. “Catholicism’s probably the most witchlike form of Christianity anyway,” she said, “although you didn’t hear that from me if someone chats with us after Midnight Mass in a couple months or whatever.”

            “Who exactly are your mother and father?” asked Rosie. “Your last name is McNulty, right?”

            Mags nodded. “My name is Margaret Evangeline McNulty, yes.”

            “I’d been assuming you were Aunt Lizzie’s daughter, but if I remember right, Aunt Lizzie’s husband’s last name is Scott or Skerritt or something like that.”

            “Scott, yes. Chuck Scott, the Food Network guy. No, I’m not Aunt Lizzie’s daughter; she was only sixteen when I was born, and she got married young but not that young. My parents were Charles and Sherrill McNulty; the McNultys and the Barings always had close ties in these parts, and your grandfather’s family took my father in when his father turned to drink and started beating on him. This was in the early sixties, when Aunt Margaret and Uncle Franklin were babies and just before your mother was born.”

            Rosie paused to give this some thought. There was much that this still did not explain—Mags and her father going completely without mention in twenty-two years of Mom’s stories about the family, the fact that Mags called the same people “aunt” and “uncle” that Rosie did but referred to Grandpa Baring as “your grandfather,” the fact that Mags had affirmatively called herself Rosie’s cousin for weeks now rather than qualifying it in any way. Rosie guessed that some of this would probably make sense if she put two and two together, but she did not have the energy to do that just this minute; she was still having a bad period, and she had slept badly the night before.

            “What’s that you’re working on?” she asked Mags. “With the beads and the wires.”

            “This is what I do to earn my living,” Mags said. “I make jewelry inspired by classic sci-fi and fantasy novels and sell them through an online store. I started doing it for friends in the UMass sci-fi club when I was a student there four or five years ago, but it surprised me how many people were willing to pay good money for the things. It takes up a lot of my time, but I enjoy it and I’m good at it and some of the money I make from it does go to help the rest of this family stay afloat.” She got up from where she was sitting, handed a bracelet of some sort to Rosie where Rosie sat in her own bed, and went back to where she had been sitting. “That one is for A Case of Conscience by James Blish. The ones I’m working on now are for The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin and Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury.”

            Rosie looked at the bracelet that Mags had handed her. It was made of a tight spiral of thin strong wire and on it were green and silver beads and charms depicting a crucifix, a lizard, a television set, and several other things for which she lacked context. “Have you read it?” Mags was asking her.

            She shook her head. “I haven’t even heard of it. I’ve heard of the other two, though.”

            “Not many people have heard of Blish these days except as an author of Star Trek novelizations, but in his own day he was, as our esteemed Vice President would say, a big fucking deal,” Mags said. “I’d recommend A Case of Conscience if I’ve read your tastes right over the past few weeks. If you take that recommendation, I hope you’ll let me know what you think of it?”

            “Of course I will,” said Rosie.

            “So what about you?” asked Mags, with her legs crossed and her arms crossed and her head held high and arch over her body. “What’s your story, Rosie? I’ve gleaned bits and pieces of it over the past few weeks, and of course I remember you from back when we were girls, but I don’t think I’ve ever been privy to the full Rosie Newgarth experience, so to speak. You went to a state university in New York, didn’t you?”

            Rosie nodded. “SUNY Binghamton,” she said. “Generally considered the best SUNY campus, although believe it or not that wasn’t why I applied; I just didn’t want to be too near home.” Mags nodded sympathetically, but probably not empathetically given that if she had been to UMass Amherst herself it had clearly not been that much of a consideration for her. “Binghamton is an interesting place. It’s one of those old industrial cities out near the Pennsylvania line. Lots of poor black people and what I guess used to be called ‘white ethnics’ whereas the campus was mostly middle-class kids, mostly white, lots Jewish. So you can imagine that town-gown relations were a bit touch-and-go. But that itself is something I learned a lot from, especially considering that I’d spent my whole life until then in Nassau County, on Long Island, with its police unions and so forth.”

            “Aren’t Jewish people themselves considered ‘white ethnic’ among people who use such terms?” asked Mags. “Never mind; I know that’s not the point. I understand what you’re saying.”

            “Thank you.”
            “You majored in economics, right?”

            Rosie nodded. “So did both my parents. Actually when they met my mom was doing her BA in resource economics and my dad was in the MBA program at the same university. They graduated in the same year and got married right after. I don’t think they were ever in a situation where he was helping teach a class she was in; they’re both too ethical for that, I think. They were always very concerned that Madison and I not feel like we were owed a living or like the rules didn’t apply to us. That’s probably part of why rather than coming right up here when it was suggested I fired off a few last salvos of job applications first. I don’t like nepotism, or whatever you’d call it instead of nepotism in a granddaughter’s case.”

            “Hmm,” said Mags with what sounded an awful lot like mild disapproval. “But that isn’t your real number one reason for not having wanted to come back up here, is it, Rosie? I don’t doubt that it played a role, but when you did come here, as a little girl, I remember that you were always so concerned to go home and get back into things with your parents and sister. Do you remember the Heath Fair? It’s that little agricultural fair we went to together in I think the year 2000, when you were eleven and I was thirteen.”

            Rosie thought back on it and came up with vague, pleasing memories of deep and unapologetic rurality. Petting zoos; competitions in various things that could be grown or jarred or bottled; a string band; some sort of contest in feats of strength between a series of tractors. It had been in late summer, probably, a series of warm evenings with a breeze with fall’s first bite in it. She remembered that it had been a long drive up to the fairgrounds, even from Greenfield; it must have been very deeply and very specially local, and thus, since she was a visitor, very carefully and very magnanimously shared with her. She nodded. She did remember it, whether or not she remembered it in the way that Mags apparently wanted her to, whether or not she remembered about it the things that Mags apparently wished to evoke.

            “I think you were apprehensive about being among people you knew less well in a situation where everybody would have to constantly evoke blood family ties rather than actual familiarity to justify spending all our time together,” Mags said. “Of course, you and I can’t evoke even that and have to rely on a network of relationships that existed twenty or thirty years before either of us were born. But now you’re here; you volunteered yourself for that ordeal. And it is something of an ordeal; I don’t say that sarcastically at all.”

            “Are you going to let me speak for myself, Mags, or are you just going to analyze me all afternoon?” Rosie asked.

            “I’m sorry,” said Mags, and she genuinely did seem to be sorry. “Please, go ahead with what you were saying about your parents.”

            “Oh, just that they’re very well-matched and it’s in fact a little strange to think of Mom as having originally come from another family—from this family—given that it’s always been Dad and Dad’s family who I’ve…known along with her,” said Rosie, trailing off as she realized that known along with her was a belabored phrase of a kind that deflated what she was getting at.

            “I wish I could say the same about my parents,” said Mags. “Things weren’t easy when I was a kid.” She shrugged. “Probably I shouldn’t make this about me, though,” she said. “Aunt Margaret’s always telling me I’m a little too focused on myself and my own needs. You seem not to have that problem, at least not as much.”

            “I wish I had that problem,” said Rosie. “I have the ‘productivity’ problem; the Recession’s not letting me ‘contribute’ the way I think I’m supposed to, and being an econ major makes me feel better about that rather than worse. I thought I’d be working at some regional business or the branch headquarters of some big white-collar firm right around now. Not glamorous, maybe not even that socially useful, but, well, something I wouldn’t feel embarrassed telling others. When I was at that coffeeshop downtown the other day I ran into this other girl who was new in town and she asked me what I was doing up here. I told her I’d taken a job in hospitality management.”

            “But you have taken a job in hospitality management,” said Mags. “You helping Aunt Margaret talk down our electric bill the other day is going to save us at least fifteen hundred dollars a year without us having to raise prices for the guests.”

            “It feels weird when it’s for your family,” said Rosie. As she was saying it she realized that there was a slight ambiguity here, around the idea of family. Mags had put her finger on this when she pointed out that it was just family that Rosie had here, not people with whom she was familiar. Yet the two words, family and familiar, were similar enough that Rosie had a difficult time making the distinction, especially since they had the same etymology; therefore she felt guilty, as if to complain about her family was to complain about being among people who loved her, rather than about being among people whom she did not let know well. Mags seemed to understand at least well enough to nod.

            “I doubt it would feel less weird if we weren’t your family,” Mags said. “New subject, but do you have any pets at home you’re missing? I’m thinking of getting a cat—not a black one, if you can believe it; I’ve always liked tabbies and calicos.”

            The change of subject was abrupt, but Rosie experienced it as a lifeline; probably Mags had meant it as one. As it happened, she had a late, lamented, beloved dog whose history she could relate to her cousin. Mags was happy to hear that history, and so they passed the time companionably as that afternoon winged into a chilly autumn evening.